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亲爱的朋友... Dear Friend...
我写信给你是因为她说你是一个善解
人意的聆听者...
I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand... 并且没有和那次派对上遇见的某人上床的打算
...and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party...
尽管只要你想，这不过是分分钟的事 even though you could have. 烦请不要尝试探明我的身份
Please don't try to figure out who I am...
这不是我所希望的
...I don't want you to do that. 我只是需要知道世界上尚还存在你这样的人
I just need to know that people like you exist.
如果你遇见我，希望你不要误以为... Like if you met me,you wouldn't
think I was...
我是那种思维古怪，接受过医院治疗的小孩
the weird kid who spent time in the hospital.
我不会让你感觉紧张的
And I wouldn't make you nervous. 希望我的想法不算是某种僭越 I hope it's okay for me to think that.
你知道吗，我一整个暑假都没有和家人之外的人说过话
You see,I haven't really talked to anyone outside of my family all summer.
但明天我就要开始高中生活... But tomorrow is my first day of high school ever...
这种情况不能再持续下去了
and I need to turn things around. 所以，我打算 So,I have a plan.
在我迈出跨入校门的第一步时
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As I enter the school for the first time...
我会在脑海中想象我毕业那天的情景 I will visualize what it will be like on the last day of my senior year. 不幸的是，经过我的计算，这两者之间...
Unfortunately,I counted,and
that's...
快学青蛙跳，新生们，跳起来！小的们，前进！
Hop,freshman toads. Hop! Let's move it,boys!
隔着1385天的漫长距离 1385 days from now.
一整个夏天都在锻炼呢，到时候要好好表现
Worked out all summer.Rock hard. 你俩怎么不去开房呢？
You know,Why don't you guys get a room? 还有1385天 Just 1385 days.
与此同时，我希望我姐姐卡蒂丝和他男友德雷克
In the meantime,I'd hoped that my sister Candace and her boyfriend Derek...
...能让我跟他们的地球保护社成员坐在一起吃午餐
...would have let me eat lunch with their Earth Club. 只有高年级学生能参加 Seniors only.
你拿那塑料餐具做什么？
What are you doing with that plastic spork? 我不想用银餐具
I don't want to bring back silverware.
德雷克，你可是地球保护社的财务干事，别用一次性餐具 Derek,you're
Earth
Club
479679330042a8956bec0975f46527d3250ca6d7e on.
当这一请求被我姐姐拒绝之后... When my sister said no...
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我想也许我的老同学苏珊会想和我一起吃午餐
I thought maybe my old friend Susan would want to have lunch with me. 初中那会，苏珊和我玩得很好，但... In middle school,Susan was very fun to be around,but...
现在她已经不会再向我打招呼了 now she doesn't like to say hi to me anymore.
我把目光转向布莱德·海斯 And then there's Brad Hays. 在我哥哥加入宾州大学的足球队之前...
Before my older brother went to play football for Penn State... 他常常和布莱德一起踢球 he and Brad played together. 因此我想他或许在看到我时会说一声“嗨”
So,I thought maybe he'd say hi to me. 但布莱德是高年级生，而我只是我。问好？开什么国际玩笑？
But Brad's a senior and I'm me,so,who am I kidding?
让我庆幸的是，一个高年级生打算... On the bright side,one senior decided to...
从老师而不是新生身上找点乐子 make fun of the teacher instead of the freshmen.
他甚至用油性笔在自己脸上画了跟卡拉汉老师一样的山羊胡
He even drew on Mr. Callahan's legendary goatee with a grease pencil.
冲击钻可不是玩具
The prick punch is not a toy. 我二十多年前就知道了
I learned that back in 'Nam in '68. “卡拉汉，”，中尉对我说
"Callahan," the sergeant said... “把那冲击钻放下，去杀几个黄皮佬再回来。”
..."you put down that prick punch,you go kill some gooks."
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（注：gook 为越战时美军对越军的蔑称）
知道后来发生了什么吗？ And you know what happened? 我最好的朋友在西贡的一个窑子里被那把冲击钻给搞死了
That prick punch killed my best friend in a Saigon whorehouse. 听说你在我的班上啊
I heard you were gonna be in my class.
臭小子，重修低年级手工课很值得自豪么？
Are you proud to be a senior having to take freshman shop,Patty-Cakes? 听着，我叫帕特里克 Look. My name is Patrick.
你要么喊我帕特里克，要么就喊我“喂” Either you call me Patrick or you call me nothing. 行啊，“没有” Okay,Nothing.
（注：此处老师玩了一个文字游戏，直
接将nothing 作为称呼） 我心底为帕特里克感到不平 I felt really bad for Patrick. 他的模仿并非出于恶意
He wasn't saying the impersonation to be mean or anything.
他只是想让我们这群新生感觉更自在些罢了
He was just trying to make us freshmen feel better. “没有”，你先来读一下这段吧？ Nothing,why don't you read first? 好勒。第一章 Alright. Chapter 1.
如何在需要以贬损学生来获得成就感的法西斯手工课老师的统治下生存 Surviving
your
fascist
shop
teacher,who needs to put kids down to feel big.
哦，天啊，太实用了，我们应该接着读下去
Oh,wow. This is useful guys.We should read on.
